Bangalore Thoughts
There are quite a few things on my mind, owing to my move and new life. I will briefly put them down here.
a. The problem in me: I was going to write a blog post on how I have so many problems because I am the problem. After starting this job, I have begun to notice how judgemental I am. I judge everyone all the time and it has become instinctive. I really have to stop and because they say that realisation is the first step, I am hoping I am in safe hands.
b. Taking offence: Apart from being judgemental, I am also someone who gets offended easily. I find people uncaring, rude and out with an agenda to hurt me. Maybe, I am just too sensitive or maybe I expect way too much from people. I am someone who goes out of the way to make the other comfortable and maybe I expect that in return for myself too. Any which way, I just need to develop a thick skin.
c. Home bound: I see a lot of my colleagues here, who have plans. They go out for shopping after work, dinners, fun stuff like attend makerspaces, or just go out for things. I, on the other hand, go home. And what do I do when I go home? Apart from judging others, taking offence and being oversensitive, I make long phone calls to my sisters and husband, read a book and sleep. Maybe it would have been different if I was living with someone with whom I would have liked to spend time. I would have, perhaps, made similar plans. But I need to understand that I have spent a lot of time waiting and I need to get out and start doing things.
d. My dream home: I have found a dream home. It's something I had dreamt of in 2014/15. I have found it. Can you imagine? Dreams coming true and all! Yes, they do. I have to only now get the house, sign the papers and make it mine. The wait for it, has been long, uncertain and agonizing as the tenant has been a bit unpredictable. But something in my heart says, that it has found its home and we are not too far away from actually moving in.
e. A new start: These past few days during my daily commute, all I think of is this one thing- that from now on, life is what I make of it. It will always be beautiful. Whether I get admission in a great Masters programme or not, whether I continue staying in Bangalore or even if I move to Africa. My life is in my hands, and I am no longer going to be able to complain- to put the blame on someone else. How liberating!
a. The problem in me: I was going to write a blog post on how I have so many problems because I am the problem. After starting this job, I have begun to notice how judgemental I am. I judge everyone all the time and it has become instinctive. I really have to stop and because they say that realisation is the first step, I am hoping I am in safe hands.
b. Taking offence: Apart from being judgemental, I am also someone who gets offended easily. I find people uncaring, rude and out with an agenda to hurt me. Maybe, I am just too sensitive or maybe I expect way too much from people. I am someone who goes out of the way to make the other comfortable and maybe I expect that in return for myself too. Any which way, I just need to develop a thick skin.
c. Home bound: I see a lot of my colleagues here, who have plans. They go out for shopping after work, dinners, fun stuff like attend makerspaces, or just go out for things. I, on the other hand, go home. And what do I do when I go home? Apart from judging others, taking offence and being oversensitive, I make long phone calls to my sisters and husband, read a book and sleep. Maybe it would have been different if I was living with someone with whom I would have liked to spend time. I would have, perhaps, made similar plans. But I need to understand that I have spent a lot of time waiting and I need to get out and start doing things.
d. My dream home: I have found a dream home. It's something I had dreamt of in 2014/15. I have found it. Can you imagine? Dreams coming true and all! Yes, they do. I have to only now get the house, sign the papers and make it mine. The wait for it, has been long, uncertain and agonizing as the tenant has been a bit unpredictable. But something in my heart says, that it has found its home and we are not too far away from actually moving in.
e. A new start: These past few days during my daily commute, all I think of is this one thing- that from now on, life is what I make of it. It will always be beautiful. Whether I get admission in a great Masters programme or not, whether I continue staying in Bangalore or even if I move to Africa. My life is in my hands, and I am no longer going to be able to complain- to put the blame on someone else. How liberating!
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