Small Service

It has been more than a month that I have begun teaching my kids. I teach my students through projects and it has been a learning experience until now. I constantly question why I am teaching my kids again. These students have TFI still intervening; hence they get everything that one could possibly give them. I also think that if TFI management really comes to know about what I am doing, they might not be very pleased. 

I teach because I love these kids. I teach because I cannot take it when people say bad things to them or when my students make statements that reflect hurt or scarcity (“these children are very smart but very badly behaved” “Ma’am we are the worst class in the school”, “we got beaten up today”, “Ma’am for how long can I ignore this?” “Ma’am, don’t you think it is absolutely cheap for him to tell us that we cannot achieve our dreams?” “No, we don’t get to read any books from the library”, “Ma’am, please can we go to the zoo?”)

I also teach because I am arrogant. I think I am the only one who understands them and knows what’s best for them. (I am working on that….)

Today, I got a call from their current teacher. He said that they have got 75K to buy books for my students hence are buying each one of them a Harry Potter Book and also some NCERT textbooks. This entire morning I was thinking that I need to initiate a book drive for my students before I start their next project on the environment and climate change. When I heard that they have 75K, I was dismayed. I thought that if I had 75K, I would take these kids on field trips and buy more books for them. I was tempted to ask him to buy me a few books on environment, but I didn’t. (I already asked him to share his projector with me and I pretty much feel like a leech) 

I started feeling sad. I again began to question why I am serving these kids who already have so much- much more than I could ever give them (clearly their teacher can give them more)

And then I thought,

1.       P very boldly made a statement the other day in class “I have a mentor who will help me”. Convinced that she did not know the meaning of the word, I asked her in an irritated tone who her mentor was. She pointed at me. 

2.       A and I came to me telling me that the boys in the class make fun of girls’ bodies. I told them that for the world I had come to this class to teach projects but in reality I had come only to be there for them. They smiled. 

3.       D left the class without telling me that he was going. He stood by the door, called out to me and said bye. 

4.       A sat very disrespectfully in class, sniggering at what the new teacher was telling him. He saw me from the corner of his eye looking at him angrily and he immediately stopped laughing, gave the answer and sat down. 

5.       When I asked my kids to start looking for a job because they are not interested in studying, or say something sarcastically, they laugh mirthfully. 

6.       While yelling at S the other day (because his writing was so bad) I made several sarcastic comments (in desperation). He stood there laughing uncontrollably. 

7.       And so many more such stories. 

I was narrating a story to my sister today about Buddha and one of his disciples. This disciple was very foolish and could not understand any discourse of the Buddha. After attending several of the discourses in the hope that he would one day understand what the Buddha actually says he told the lord that he never understood a word no matter how hard he tried. 

Buddha asked this foolish disciple to not attend the discourse but only clean the shoes of all the other intelligent disciples who came to listen to the enlightened one. The foolish disciple obeyed and cleaned all the shoes very sincerely and his story is immortal. 

I have forgotten the moral of the story. 

While I told my sister the story, that’s what I thought. I am that foolish disciple who cannot offer some things, but can offer a small service. 

And some day maybe, my legacy will live on.